Los consejos de un bastardo

La revista Wired publicó en su número de junio agosto (disculpen el dislate) un divertido artículo sobre las nuevas reglas de comportamiento que cualquier persona evolucionada debe seguir. Las reglas abarcan desde la configuración de nuestra actividad en Facebook (la “situación sentimental”, la foto de profile, el número de actualizaciones) hasta el tiempo que consumimos medios electrónicos o el tono de timbre de nuestro teléfono celular. Pura risa.

Los consejos están aderezados con la sabiduría del bastardo Brad Pitt, quien cándidamente se dejó fotografiar como parte del artículo. De entre sus consejos extraigo éste que me provocó una buena carcajada mientras viajaba en un autobús urbano.

Ask a Basterd
Should I ask my World of Warcraft wife if she’s really a dude?
Absolutely not. If it’s good, don’t check under the hood. I say, love her with everything you’ve got. I mean, she’s your wife, man!

De regalo, les dejo este video relacionado de Enjuto Mojamuto:

Y acá todos los consejos de Brad Pitt, quien protagoniza la reciente película de Quentin Tarantino: Inglourious Basterds.

I exaggerated my salary on my online dating profile. Should I fess up?
Hell no. Everyone lies online. In fact, readers expect you to lie. If you don’t, they’ll think you make less than you actually do. So the only way to tell the truth is to lie.

Is it OK to look at pornography at work?
Don’t just look at it at work, bring in your old porn mags and scan them there! It’s like converting your vinyl to MP3s. Fill up your hard drive, and when you need a break from spreadsheets, just open a favorite pictorial.

Can I answer my cell during a movie if it seems urgent?
Never. It may be a brief interruption—just a few seconds—but what if someone sitting near you is trying to make a decent bootleg? Did you ever think of that? Now all those street-corner copies are permanently defiled by your so-called «emergency.» Don’t be so damn selfish.

Our Rock Band bassist sucks. Am I a total jerk if I kick him out?
Who cares? You shred, he doesn’t. Fire his ass. Bonus: It’ll put the others on notice. Anyone who doesn’t keep up can hit the road. Even if that means firing the whole band. Remember: All great artists go solo eventually. Just think of Ronnie James Frickin’ Dio.

I want to post a picture of my wife’s butt on twitter á la Ashton Kutcher. Do I need to ask her first, or can I snap, post, and hope she’ll be flattered?
Don’t take a picture of your wife’s butt. That’s silly. Take pictures of other people’s wives’ butts.

Can I talk on the phone while taking a whiz?
No, you can’t talk on the phone! Do you want the guy next to you to hear your entire conversation? That’s why you should only text in the bathroom. Just be sure you don’t hit the wrong button and end up putting a photo of your junk on Twitter. Trust me, you don’t want those followers.

Vía, evidentemente, Wired.